i dreamt about you again last night. it's not very often that i do anymore, but it still happens. i dont think i'll ever stop dreaming about you. even if it happens less, like once a year, once every five years, or just once more before i die, my body won't forget the warmth it feels when i hold you in my dreams. it'll probably search for that feeling when it's passing on.

in my dream last night, you were throwing a party, as you do, and i arrived pretty decently into the night. the living room of your house was already well worn in with guests and at least half of them were pretty drunk. you were quite drunk, sprawled about the floor lavishing in its comforts as you beckoned me down to join you with a flushed smile, the smile you make that you dont really like but i do. i laid down beside you as we clutched each other, we closed our eyes, and i smiled too.

usually when we feel each other in my dreams, it takes a bit of development to get there, as some reason seems to be necessary, some precedent needs to be set. sometimes its just us having a little adventure with a big group of people first, usually our friends. those are always fun. my dreams usually consist of events happening in fast succession, jumping from one vivid space to the next with new scenery changing at a pace like skimming through pages of a familiar scrapbook. nearly every night follows this structure- i never feel trapped or stuck in my dreams, they just always keep going and going. if i notice myself in a frightening scenario, in that 'you know you're dreaming but arent lucid enough to control the dream' way, the 'on rails shooter game dream type' way, i never get shook to my core or wake up in a cold sweat or any typical nightmare stuff, because my dream book reliably flips to the next page and the next page until it uncerimoniously closes. all that to say, i never know peace or stillness in my dreams. except when i'm holding you. those are the only moments i know of where i get to rest in my sleep. i was on the floor at the party you were throwing and i was resting with you. i didnt need to be drunk to feel that glow of warmth that makes your cheeks red. i still felt it when i woke up in the morning. i want to die dreaming of holding you, so that i wake up in my next life feeling that warmth my body doesn't want to forget.